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Scientists: February declared no longer a month
Scientists Revise Definition of "Month"
First full meeting of Annular Scientists in centuries changes meaning of month
February downgraded to "calendrical object"
At its first meeting in centuries, the Global Association of Annular Scientists (GAAS) tackled the rocky subject of what actually constitutes a "month". The month represents a long-standing issue among annular experts, despite revisions of calendars and additions of leap seconds to the annular calculus over the centuries.
The new definition of a month is said by GAAS members to be the first, proper, scientific definition ever. "The definition adopted today creates precise, unyielding boundaries that permit classification instead of ad hoc casting by feel," said GAAS spokesperson Mark Julian. "The new definition defines a month as an invariable calendrical autonomous unit invariably from 30 to 31 days, inclusive. February is clearly defined out, removing much of the issue people have long had with its variability, uniquely modest size, and funny spelling."
As February has 28 or 29 days sometimes, it falls below the minimum size under the revised definition of "month" and its variable nature also violates the new definitional boundary.
February, which was unique among the things termed months, had long bothered key annular scientists who viewed it as a glaring exception to a dated theory. "A theory that merrily encapsulates exceptions without re-examining the core hypothesis is not much of a scientific theory, now is it, then?" commented French Annulatician Alain Manac. Keeping the old definition, "would be like maintaining Ptolemy's Earth-centric model of the solar system in the face of mounting exceptions to the rule" added Julian. "Science must address anomalies as challenges to theory, not roadbumps to be explained away."
February, now classed as a "calendrical object" joins such oddities as the leap second and its own leap day in the bucket of temporal oddities.
Opponents of the change voiced strong opposition on a number of grounds. "The old definition was working fine for us, I mean, unless you were born on the 29th or something, or maybe like our competition you used a bad piece of computer code," insisted Gregory Dayes, president of software firm Time'R'Us, whose personal organizer software has been touted for its ability to deal with all the documented temporal anomalies. Juan Diem, a teacher at August Lakes high school in Georgia points out that "everything from textbooks to the mnemonics our kids are taught will have to change. The cost and confusion are going to be tremendous." His feelings were tempered, however, by one consideration: "But at least I won't have to hear that stupid 'rides a bicycle' line any more."